I NEVER DID UNDERSTAND EXACTLY HOW THE STOCK MARKET WORKS. I only know that when I was burned back in 1987, I decided (actually, it was after consultation with my wife, who handles money better than I do) to just get out of the whole mess. Isn’t it a little like gambling? I mean, you trust that the movers and shakers of the financial world will watch out for you. Right? I know, I know. Let the buyer beware, but honestly, who has the time and knowledge to go it alone. Not me! Perhaps the illustration below will help clear things up.

Once upon a time, in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy any monkeys from them for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $20 for a monkey.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each, and the supply of monkeys became so small that it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35, and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.' The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

This illustration fits right in with what has been happening lately---Monkey business! Rip-off city! Abuse of power! Greed! I guess I’ll just stick it under my mattress for now and hope for the best---that I don’t have a fire or tornado.
Still confused? Tony Lima Associates offers these humorous definitions:
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no pie.
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker - Poorer than you were last year.
"Buy, Buy" - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the Toilet.
Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Cisco - Sidekick of Pancho.
Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.

Seriously, one thing is certain---the best investments in life are those intangibles--- pouring our time, energy, and resources into things that will outlast this life, that are spiritual in nature. We can send it on ahead, by investing in people and relationships. Perhaps we should heed the words from the Celestial CEO: "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be” (Matthew 6:19-21, NLT).